Validation

Sean called me at work from the home course today with the news he'd broken 70 again. Another 69! Five birdies offset by two bogies.

It had been only 10 days since he first passed that all important milestone. To do it again, and so soon, is impressive validation.

By coincidence, I left the house for work this morning mentioning to his mom something along the lines that I was sure he'd shoot in the 60's a couple of more times before the summer ends.

Still, I was also beginning to wonder if his feat from just a few days ago had already begun to weigh on him. I suspected that in some corner of his mind, he might have wondered if he could do it again? That the first one might have been a fluke.

Of course, he'd deny that. Sean isn't one to confess weaknesses of the mind.

But if he had doubts at all, today he surely put them to rest.

It was bound to happen. I've always felt that all Sean needed was time, and that he'd eventually catch up to the better golfers of his age group.

Hard to know if it is a coincidence, but one of the things we've done differently this summer than in the past is to create an atmosphere of expectations.

In the past, I didn't really want to put any pressure on him to perform better, mostly because I honestly didn't know what to expect. Also, he seemed to put plenty of pressure on himself all alone. And also because what a 13 and 14 year old golfer accomplishes is fundamentally irrelevant in the grander scheme of things.

This year is a little different because I've seen enough with my own eyes to decide that Bobby, his instructor, is right. The sky is the limit with Sean's talent.

And so this year we've laid onto his shoulders the expectation that he start validating that talent. Nothing huge. No histrionics. No Tiger-Dad tactics. I don't have a formal missed meals for missed putts program (though I reserve the right to implement one if I deem it necessary).

Just pointing out to him the obvious, that if he wants to compete in national-level tournaments, he's going to have to earn his way out there with his scoring. That I really don't care how well or how bad he is hitting the ball, just as long as he figures out a way to post a score good. Whether at home or in tournaments. Only the scoring matters.

We let him know that if he wants to think of himself as one of the best junior golfers in a southern, junior golfer crazy state, that alone must rise to the challenge and post scores that are on par with those players.

We acknowledged that he spent plenty of time on his game, but also let him know that we expect him to be more disciplined in his preparation, that he'd be better off spending 10 hrs a day on the couch then 10 hrs a day practicing poorly.

It seems that in raising the bar in this way, we very well may have given him the permission he craved to play better.

We've nudged him, we've let him know we are there for him, we've given him what he needs. And we've given him the space to figure the rest out on his own.