Lessons from 2010: Rule #1 Remain calm and don't make a bad day worse

Sean started the 2010 campaign with something of a bang...3 tournaments early in the season comprising six rounds with scores in the 70s. There was no real reason to think things wouldn't improve from that start.

But then Sean started to struggle and began posting scores in the 80s. And he was never really able to shake the 80s for the rest of the season. By some measures, you might even conclude his game regressed as the season wore on. He'd open tournaments with something in the 80's, then close it with something in the 70's, or less frequently, vice versa. In fact, he only had one round in the 70s over the last five rounds of season.

But what a round in the 70s it was! A 73 in the 2nd round of our club's Men's Championship....from the tips on a course that although familiar, was set up as hard as any he had played all season. He would go on to finish in 10th place in that event, solidifying himself as one of the top golfers at our club.

This provides an example of the biggest lesson Sean taught me this season: To focus on the positive. Because that is what he did all season long. Whether he had just finished with a good score or something in the 80's, Sean would climb in the car and regale me with stories of his great shots and missed opportunities. Listening, you wouldn't know he had shot, say, an 84. Among the favorite lines I'd hear him say was, "Dad, you have no idea how close I came to a 68...really, more like a 66!"

Sean never wallowed in self-pity and this season he also pretty much jettisoned the immature micro-tantrums (such as the Tiger club slam). He is learning how to control his emotions, and to be fair to him...or maybe to be a good example, I had to somehow learn the same lessons. I figured if the game wasn't getting him down, at least in any outward way, then I certainly wasn't going to light into him with whatever frustrations I felt when things weren't going well.

So I bit my tongue. A lot. Consciously, and at times with substantial effort. I confess to only one outburst at the start of a long drive to another tournament. For whatever reason, I was thinking he wasn't showing that he was taking scoring seriously enough--the point of tournament golf is to post scores, after all, and I lost my cool and started an argument with him. What was said probably had to be said --the privilege of playing in these more competitive tournaments needs to be taken seriously-- but not the way it was done.

But overall Sean worked hard at his game all season long. He played or practiced every day at the club, in a way that was both fun and serious for him. He grinded hard on virtually every single shot in every single tournament. He may not have executed shots well, and he may have done some bone-headed-let's be nice and call them experimental- things that I surely would not have not done myself, but there is no taking away from the fact that he tried his hardest.

He put a lot of pressure on himself to do well, and he had to deal with the disappointment when he didn't do well. And it slowly dawned on me that he simply has to go through this learning process in order to become a good competitive golfer. And when you see it in that perspective, you see that some good comes from not being able to rise to expectations or hopes.

As a golfer myself, one who carries a 5 handicap, I realize that it is a very difficult game to play well. Tournament golf more so. Sean shot scores out there this summer that I shoot only occasionally, and even more rarely under tournament conditions. He has amply proven he is already a far better golfer than ever was.

Sean has built his self-image cloaked in golf, it is a major way in which he defines himself now. As bad as I want him to succeed, Sean also proved to me this summer that he wants it far more than me.

As long as he shows that attitude, he earns all the support I can provide reasonably in terms of tournaments and travel and equipment and lessons. But more importantly, he has earned my respect and a commitment to do my best to serve as his confidant. When he climbs in the car after a disappointing day, he doesn't need me getting down on him or demanding he perform better. Really, what could be more absurd? He just spent 5 or 6 hrs grinding out a round, putting it all on the line, having sat in the scorers tent testifying to embarrassing failures, only to step into the car so his father can rip into him?

Sean needs me to be a sounding board. For him, going over the round and emphasizing the highlights is a method to consolidate his memories and to create a perspective that he can draw from down the road. If it was a bad day, he needs me to simply say, "Well, that wasn't your best round but hopefully there is something you can learn from it."

And then leave it at that and go out to find a meal, hopefully at a sports bar that can serve me some good beer with which to calm my nerves and pull me back from the edge. LOL!!

This parenting a budding golf star isn't as easy as it looks. So I think the biggest thing I learned from the 2010 season is Rule #1, Remain calm and don't make a bad day worse.

Meanwhile, I just will have to continue to have faith that he gets this all figured out, that he continues to improve and that he learns enough so that he can realize his dreams in competitive golf. He seems to have the knack for throwing up just enough of those 73's to earn another shot at it.

2010 Recap

Sean played his final tournament of the 2010 campaign last weekend, so now we summarize.

Here are the numbers: Twenty-eight completed rounds played in fifteen tournaments, with an overall scoring average of 79.4. His first round average of 81 was improved in the second rounds, where he has a scoring average of 77.2.

Something about a scoring avg of 79.4 seems disappointing and not really reflective of the progress Sean made compared to the 2009 season.

Probably the most impressive evidence of progress over last year is that he scored in the 70s in 14 rounds this season compared to only one round in the previous year, and that he had at least one round in the 70's in 10 of his 15 events. In 4 of these events he scored both rounds in the 70's.

His low rounds included a 71, 73(2) and a 74. His best two-round scores were 150 and 151 (twice), whereas in 2009 his best two-round score was 157.

After every round, Sean and I would climb in the car to head home or to the hotel and Sean would go over his round, recounting the great shots and the near misses. He'd never really focus on the negatives, and he'd never let a disappointing round get him down. He might have been embarrassed by some of his higher scores, but he never wallowed in self-pity after those rounds.

And so, I conclude this season by focusing on the positive, because that is what Sean would have done. He improved this season. It was, by a reasonable standard, a quantum leap and he narrowed the gap between him and the kids his age who are shooting the better scores.

Could it have been better? Of course. Could we have reasonably expected a better outcome? Who knows. It is what it is, which is mostly a sign that his hard work and dedication and simple enjoyment of the game is all paying off and he is moving in a good direction with it.

He called a penalty on himself

I did want to mention one more thing. In a tournament this past weekend, Sean had a ball move on him after addressing it for a green side chip, and replaced it with a one stroke penalty. I wasn't out there watching him, and from the sounds of it neither of the players in his group saw it either.

I had told him some time earlier that the first time I hear he did something like that would be a proud day, indeed. That no shot was more important than preserving his integrity and that of the competition.

What was remarkable is how little fanfare was involved. He mentioned it as if in passing, and I congratulated him, but really didn't make a big deal out of it either.

Still, it was early in the 2nd round, which he started only 3 shots off the lead. For all he knew at the time, it might have cost him a win. As it turned out, he finished 3rd, 6 strokes off the lead.

The big picture and the long view

I've been remiss. A lot of water has passed under the bridge since my last post. Sean's US Jr Am qualifying experience turned out to be the start of a rough patch of water, and I guess it took a bit of wind out of my sails.

Going through it, there didn't seem much to celebrate just as there didn't seem much to grow despondent about.

In fact, seven tournaments worth of water has passed with seven rounds 80 and above, seven rounds in the seventies, but no round better than a 76. You could say that Sean's game hit a plateau while I pretty much just got into the grind of getting him to all of his events.

But I'm back after taking some time to graph things out to get some perspective.
The big picture is that after 13 tournaments this season, Sean's scoring and his game has improved measurably. His tournament scoring average this season is 7.4 strokes improved over last season, and is now pretty much going to stay in the 70's, a Mendoza line of sorts.

There are all sorts of other measures of success. He finished higher in his fields this season compared to the year before. Where last year he was pretty much bringing up the rear, this year he is somewhere in the top third to top half of players in his age group. He has 8 top 10 finishes on the season. Last year he had one score in the 70's, this season scored below 80 in 13 rounds! Last year, a 157 for two rounds was his best effort and had only one other tournament below 170. This year he had 8 tournaments in the 150's, with a 150 marking his best effort. He had a propensity all season to shoot a better 2nd round than his first round, by a margin of 3 strokes on average. His ranking in the Junior Golf Scoreboard has improved from somewhere in the 5000's to somewhere around 2800.

Overall, there is no question that Sean is on the right trajectory.

But to be honest, things fell short of our expectations...of my hopes for him and his plans for himself. We talked about it over last winter and set a goal of a scoring average of 75 and maybe taking home some bling.

But was this even a reasonable expectation? How do you know what is reasonable? I guess we came up with that 75 on the basis of how well he was hitting the ball, how much he was taking to his coaches instruction, and how committed he seemed to improve this year. He just looked like a really solid golfer.

The data indicate that 75 was a stretch, scoring that well in tournaments over a whole season involves being more than a great ball-striker. It looks as if Sean will have to continue to struggle to join the best golfers among his peers. But he is getting closer to them then they are pulling away from him.

As much as I want him to win and be a top golfer as a 13, 14 and 15 year old, I'm convinced Sean wants it a lot more. What most impresses me about Sean is how he bounced back time after time from a disappointing round or tournament, to get out there and do it again. There is absolutely no quit in the kid. And he has incredible focus. I don't mind all the travel and expense for one reason only: I am absolutely convinced that Sean is giving it all his very best effort, an effort that more than earns the privilege of playing the junior tours.

And over this season I've come to accept the long view that this struggle to improve is a very good thing. To get that scoring average down among the best won't come easy to him. He has all the athletic ability in the world. Although I have my pet theories, it is not at all clear to me what more he needs to do, other than knowing that HE needs to figure it out for himself.

As a parent, I can only be grateful for a son possessing the ambition to become an outstanding golfer. More than anything, what the season has taught me is patience, that he will have to learn how to do this on his own. I can hope he gets his game there sooner rather than later, but it will come when it comes, almost as if there is nothing that can be forced.

My role is not to demand better performance on some time table that I impose upon him, but to give him opportunities--from finding his swing coach to signing him up for tournaments to keeping my golf club membership so he has a place to play.

More than anything, I have to be sure not to not act like a moron and steal the fun away from it all.

Disappointment at a US Jr Amateur Qualifier

Not so good, but hopefully a great learning experience. Sean shot an 85...I think he was 10 or 11 over on his 1st nine holes. Most of the damage came as a reverberation from one swing on his 3rd hole of the day, a difficult par 3 where he carded an 8 before the smoke had cleared.

Presumably still reeling from the disappointment, he had double bogies on his next two holes. Nine over par in just 3 holes!!! Ouch.

I suppose there is something to learn from playing well, but I think this one gave Sean an almost invaluable lesson.

You see, he and I had gone up to the course several weeks ago to get in a practice round, but were thunderstormed off the course after the front nine. After returning home, I gave Sean the chance a couple of times to return to the course to finish the back nine practice round, but he insisted he was ready and didn't need it.

On the qualifier day, he started on the back nine and apparently things went pretty well until his third hole, which is a long (~200 yd) par three nestled onto a hill slope that falls from left to right into a lake. Sean said his playing partner had honors and had his tee shot, well struck with a hybrid, come up short into the bank just above the water.

Simply put, Sean was uncertain what to hit. After seeing his partner with that shot and having never played the hole before, he chose his hybrid worried that a 3 iron wouldn't be enough. But thinking it was too much club, he said he probably decelerated his swing and pulled it badly left, into the water. From there, according to his buddy who served as his caddy, things sort of spiraled out of control. Something about making a poor choice on his drop option, and a mistake that followed that.

Remarkably, that 8 was his first hole he scored worse than double bogey all summer long. In contrast, last summer he was averaging two holes worse than double bogey each round. Although, not surprisingly, the next two holes didn't fare well, he then pulled himself together and finished out the rest of the tournament holes at only 4 over par. I believe something right at par qualified for the event, and only a handful of kids made it.

The good to take away from something like this is to recognize that he is almost to that point where all that separates him from really, really solid scores is a swing or two, here and there. You can see his game tighten up almost on a weekly basis.

Besides, it is hard to see the downside of trying to qualify for a USGA event. My guess is that Sean will be eager to have another go at it next year, and probably will be focused to extract his measure of revenge from the event at that time.

It is all good at this stage. As long as he is playing a lot of golf at home and seeing some good competition in his events, it is all good.

A solid tournament and AJGA Status!!!

Sean played well in a tournament far from home a few weeks ago, the Pepsi Little Peoples in Quincy Illinois. He shot a 78-73 (par 71) to finish in 8th place, competing against ~30 players in the event.

The tournament result has much greater significance than playing another event with two solid rounds in the 70's, which is our main goal for his summer.

His top 10 finish in the 14-15 age group, in fact, gave him "Junior All Star" exempt status for the remainder of this year and for next year in the Gary Gilchrist Golf Academy Junior All Star Series of the American Junior Golf Association. JAS exempt status is just a notch below fully exempt status but, because so few kids seem to have fully exempt status, for all practical purposes JAS exempt makes him fully exempt, and will allow us to create a set schedule for next season centered around a handful of AJGA events. We won't need to worry about whether he will be accepted into the fields for these events, which is a really big deal, and can plan accordingly.

We are getting a running lesson through all of this on how competitive junior golf is structured.
To play AJGA events seems not only fairly important, but essential for someone with his aspirations. As a 14 year old, the most important reason to play AJGA is simply because their events have deeper fields. Competing in stronger fields will give him a better sense about how much he'll need to improve to continue on the path of playing golf at the collegiate level. Because he will only be 15 years old next summer and just finishing his freshman year of high school, I'm far more concerned that Sean uses these AJGA events for younger kids to learn how improve than as a way to impress college coaches.

We entered Sean in the Little Peoples tournament mostly because of the way they dangled generous AJGA exempt status for the top finishers. We looked at their tournament records from past years and felt that Sean would need to play solid, but that shooting a 150 was well within reason, that something around 150 had a good chance of earning him a top 10 finish. Playing in that tournament seemed like a much quicker route towards earning better AJGA status than grinding away in his regional tour events for 'performance stars.' We weren't sure how many regional events he would be able to enter for the rest of the summer, and even though very competitive, these events don't earn players too much in the way of AJGA status.

Sean started the Little Peoples tournament with the mindset of finishing in the top 10 as his primary goal. We thought the Westview Golf Course, a small town muni track, would be a fairly straightforward course. A practice round dissuaded us of that notion fairly quickly. It was a remarkably challenging test of golf, with thick rough, dog-legs, blind tee shots, well placed hazards and out of bounds, and very challenging greens, many with very significant back to front sloping. Add to this the fact that the course, already long playing at over 6800 yards, was pretty wet from record rains.

Sean's first round 78 was worse than he had expected of himself, but left him in 12th place and within touch of the leaders. His second round 73 was remarkable for a few reasons. He asked both myself and his mom to walk along with him to watch him play, which seemed to telegraph that he was growing in confidence. Second, it was just a fantastic round to watch. He really ground it out, sinking several good putts to save par on greens that played much faster the 2nd day. His game management was superb. He just played real steady all day, and only made what you might consider two mistakes. In the end, he was one of only 3 or 4 players among the top half of the field to improve his score on the 2nd day.

Something important was on the line, and he rose to the task. We were very proud of the way he played and stepped up to the challenge. And his reward: we signed him up for the AJGA so he should get one of those big red AJGA bag tags in the mail any day. These things seem to be the ultimate junior golf status symbol, and veritably shout out that a playa has just arrived onto the tee box!

Good stuff.

The best advice I can give to parents who wonder if they have a budding golf star

Pray to God, or hope--whichever suits your belief system--that your child develops a true passion for the game.

Without this, it is hard to imagine a kid will put in the effort needed to succeed at a really high level.

Ever since Sean shot a 72 last year to win his junior club championship, I've somehow earned a nebulous status at the club as the father of a golf prodigy. Even though this was only his first sub-80 round of that tournament season, it seemed to change everything, and I sense there is a perception that I have some sort of expertise, even though I feel as if we are making this up as we go along.

I would quit my day job if I could get several thousand dollars each month for conversations at the club with those who congratulate his success while lamenting their own childrens' failure to launch into golf, or looking for insights into how to spark similar success in their younger kids.

Whatever success Sean is enjoying at this point, or how good he looks out there playing the game right now even though it may not be really successful, is attributable to pretty much one thing: the foundation is his drive and internal motivation to succeed.

His mother and I don't need to poke or prod him. If anything, I can foresee more a need to dial him back a notch and pace himself, than to push him to get out there to work on his game.

If we are blessed with anything, as parents of a budding golf star, it is with a child who has an incredible drive to see the fulfillment of his own dreams. Everything else we do for him to facilitate this process is only window dressing, and would likely prove for naught should he ever lose his passion for golf.

Our plan, if you could call it that, is to give him as much line as he needs. We'll support him as best we can, all the while making sure he knows that whatever comes his way will have been privileges that he has earned.

He is definitely better this year

Over the weekend I had a chance to find a bunch of Sean's numbers from last year and compare them to this year's performance.

Last year, as a 13 year old, his stroke average was 86.3, playing 24 rounds in 15 tournaments. He shot only one round below 80, and five rounds 90 and above.

This year, as a 14 year old, his stroke average is 75.2 over 4 rounds in two tournaments. He even managed to stay under 80 for his worse two rounds so far (79 and 77).

On a per round basis, Sean has reduced his bogeys and increased his pars. Compared to last year, he has cut his double bogeys in half, and (knock on wood) hasn't had a worse than double, yet. He has also more than doubled his birdies per round. Despite the latter, the big improvement in scoring is coming from eliminating all those mistakes that caused the bogeys, the doubles and worse.

When he gets to the point where the mistakes are even more rare, and while continuing to get a few birdies per round, he is going to become a heck of a golfer.

I don't think this improvement, though based on a limited number of rounds is an aberration. No doubt, tournament rounds in the 80's are an inevitable part of his future. But my suspicion is that those rounds, for him, will be like one of those days in baseball where he failed to get a hit over 3 or 4 at bats, or made some bone-headed plays in the field. Pretty rare.

I also think this year on year improvement is real because at home he is shooting under 80 for almost all of his practice rounds, which is evidence that his skills are improving at an accelerated pace. In fact, I can't remember when was the last time he told me he shot over 80 at home, but it has been several weeks now. He's just doing what we figured was going to eventually happen, and that is learning how to golf the ball.

Why is he so much better this year? The simple answer is because he has been working hard to get better. The motivation to improve comes from entirely within himself, and he really puts in the effort. His self-image is not just wrapped up, but completely cloaked, into becoming one of the better golfers out there. He wants to be at the club all day every day, where he practices and plays rounds from morning to evening.

I also really like how he puts more time into playing rounds than into banging balls on the range. I also like how he is putting more effort--though I think he can do a lot more-- into practicing his short game, when he practices.

And of course, he has a truly great swing coach in Bobby, who turns out to be more than just a swing guru, but offers Sean the whole package, particularly his encouragement and thoughts on how to play competitively. I will never understate the importance, for a junior, in getting not just any swing coach, but the right one.

Every stroke matters

On his 17th hole yesterday, Sean hit what he characterized as one of his best drives of the day. I had arrived at the course to pick him up just in time to see it, from a distance, and he was well up the middle of the fairway. I also saw his approach shot into the green, and could only tell from his pose that he had nailed it because on good shots, Sean invariably holds his pose until the ball stops. He later told me it left him a ~15 ft putt for birdie.

Then, it seems, the wheels sort of fell off and he made a bad decision. On the drive home he said that he felt like he needed to get something going, even though it was almost the last hole, so he hit a very aggressive putt that went well past the hole. He missed his comeback putt for par, saying he just wasn't committed to the putt. The result was a bogey, on the back of two mental errors and a failure to take advantage of two solid shots that put him on the green in good shape.

From a distance, I could tell he three-putted and from seemingly good position, wasting a good drive and approach. But I didn't know the details. From what he said, it appears he decided to press the pedal to the floor in a vain and pointless attempt to salvage what he felt was a poor round.

It turns out, that final bogey left him one shot out of 10th place, and so he failed to earn any points out of all his solid effort in the event. Had this been a qualifier event where finishing in the top 10 would have given him some extra status on this tour, or one of the higher tiered tours, the mistake would have been even more costly.

I bit my tongue and didn't start a lecture, only saying quickly that in these tournaments, "Every stroke matters."

I bet he could knock off a few strokes from his scoring average if he could find a way to take that as his motto in a positive way, and keep it in the forefront of his mind during these events. But it is also a fine line, because I wouldn't want to see him develop into a super-cautious golfer. Golf offers elements of risk and reward, and often times taking some calculated risk from time to time can yield tremendous dividend.

I suppose at this stage, him being only 14, that all you can ask is that he learns from something like this. In fact, as a father, the incident reminds me that learning is the ONLY thing that really matters at this stage of his golf development. I could tell him until I'm blue in the face that he needs to make sure he pars out from that sort of situation. But he'll have to learn it on his own, one lost stroke at a time.

Another good start...and the wait

Sean is playing his 2nd round today in a two-round tournament with the regional junior golf tour. A bit over an hour ago, I dropped him off at the course after an hour-long drive down here, to somewhere in outer southern suburbia. Then I left to get some lunch and to find a wireless signal so I could get some work done.

Sean doesn't want us to follow him during his rounds. It makes him uncomfortable and I can understand why. It is hard enough to play tournament golf, he doesn't also need to worry about whether I approve of the way he is playing. He's still at that age where he can be pretty defensive about things and will imagine criticism, judgments and slights where none are intended.

The fact is, because I admire his ball striking, I'd love nothing more than to watch him play, particularly when he is playing well. His pushing me away like this is something of a bummer, but it isn't really threatening. It is just the way it is. That is our unique dynamic. And it is probably healthy for our relationship. He has to grow up and learn how to live his life and he is at an age where more and more space from his parents is bound to do him more good than harm.

Maybe down the road, when the tournaments are bigger and more important and meaningful than these junior events, I'll finally get the OK and he'll invite me to watch him compete. Besides, I'm also sort of proud not to be one of those helicopter parents who hangs on every 12 dozen or so shots in one of these events. I suppose that must work for some kids and their parents, but for Sean it is counter productive and for me it would probably be too excessive.

In all honesty, he's probably right. If I were out there, I would be making a lot of judgments, and if I saw him screw up a shot or something, he'd probably be right to read disapproval in my body language. I don't really hide my emotions well. And the ride home would probably devolve into me lecturing Sean, who is now the better golfer of the two, on how to have handled the round better. Ending a disappointing day on the course by getting into an argument seems to be counterproductive to the long term objective of him developing a steely passion for the sport, and learning how to perform under the fiery and sometimes emotional conditions of tournament golf.

So keeping me at a distance seems much better for the both of us. It is his tournament and after rounds he can tell me what he wants me to hear about it. We ride home and I ask him questions about how things played out, rather than dominating the discussion by 'sharing' my own opinions and false wisdom.

As our system works now, rather than him growing increasingly defensive to whatever I offer, he talks about the round at his own pace, bringing up things here and there, and I can see how that works to consolidate his memories and impressions of what happened that day, and how he does this to gain insight and learn from what happened.

The course he is playing is a good test. He played it last year from more forward tees, shooting two rounds in the 80's. But he likes the course and says it sets up well for him.

This year, it is rated at 72.7 and is playing at almost 6860 yards. The 14-15 year old boys are playing from the same tees as the 16 and older juniors, and intermingled with them in the pairings. The field is a strong one, with plenty of kids who will be playing at the collegiate level some day. A lot of the names we recognize as those from leaderboards at past events, and have done well in the recently finished state high school playoffs. Kids who may not yet be highly ranked nationally, but have enjoyed considerable success out on the junior circuits around here.

Yesterday, because of a work conflict I had, Sean's mom took him down to play his first round. She was also instructed not to follow him on the course, so she hung around and read and waited. She called with an update in the mid-afternoon, telling me she did manage to catch his eye when he passed at the turn, and he gave her a thumbs up. But she had no idea how the scoring was going. I told her I thought the thumbs up was probably a good sign. Sure enough, we found out later that he was 1-under at the turn....(his 2nd under par 9 holes of the short season).

He called me a few hours later to report he had opened the round with a 74! Two birdies, two bogeys and one double bogey. That score left him in a tie for 5th place within the 14-15 age group, and in a tie for 29th overall. There are ~105 boys playing in the event, 35 of whom are in his age group.

Yeah, that is a heck of a start.

Particularly given that the course favors good drivers of the ball, and how Sean had not struck the ball particularly well off the tee during a practice round the previous day, losing 3 or 4 balls. Both yesterday and today he went to our driving range to work on hitting his driver before heading off for the tournament. Obviously, he figured it out.

Only 3 players lie between Sean and the leader, who shot a 69. Last night, we talked about how there is nothing he can do about that kid, or anybody else in the field.

We also looked at some of the scores on the course from previous years and decided that if a 143 doesn't win his age group, it might be pretty close. They have morning and afternoon tee times, sending out the bottom half of Sean's age group earlier. The internet reports they are back in and that the leader in the clubhouse for Sean's age group is 149. Of the 18 players in from the morning round, 14 of them improved on their scores from yesterday and 10 of them shot below 80.

Can Sean join that trend and shoot a better score today than yesterday? In the past, he almost always does better on the 2nd round of these two day events. I've always attributed that as mostly indicative of starting out tournaments crappy before settling down. In this instance, though, he's shot his 3rd best tournament score ever in an opening round.

Although we'd be thrilled for another round in the 70's, Sean has chance to actually finish high in this event, and maybe even win it! Whichever way it comes out, it will have been a learning experience.

So I wait. In a nearby public library, glad to be out of the muggy heat, and hoping things are going well for him, and wondering desperately how it will turn out. We'll know how he fared in another couple of hours.

UPDATE:
Sean shot a 77 in his final round. From the pavilion at the course, I saw him play his last two holes and in particular, a birdie from the fringe on the par 4 9th hole, his finishing. Despite the birdie, he was dejected coming up to the pavilion to turn in his score.

"I played horrible," he said, before telling me his score.

And in all honesty, it was a bit of a let down for me, too, since he dropped back to a 13th finish place at 151. I think I had convinced myself that something better was coming. Waiting up in the pavilion over the previous 45 minutes or so, I had seen the results board slowly fill out and was in the process of calculating all sorts of hopeful scenarios. I had seen that the leader of his age shot 72-69, meaning Sean would have to come in with a lifetime best ever of 67 just to force a playoff. That seemed unreasonable, but not impossible, right?

But the next highest score on the board was seemed stuck at 146, and so I had some realistic hope that, should he have a great but not earth shattering day, Sean had a good chance to finish in the top 10, and maybe even well within the upper tier.

But it wasn't to be this time.

Still, on the bright side, which seemed to only slowly dawn upon the both of us as our disappointment faded on the ride home, it was another round in the 70's and at 7 over for the tournament, it was his best finish to par by a long shot. And to be disappointed was probably a good thing, because it means Sean recognizes that he really can do better. He didn't have his 'A' game out there, strongly off the tee again, but still managed to scrape together a decent score in the 70's. For him to be disappointed because he failed to meet the higher expectations he has suggests to me that his compass is definitely pointed in the right direction.

As for the field, although 141 won the event, Sean's finish left him only 5 shots back from second place in his age group. So considering where he was last year, bringing up the rear in these events, his effort in this latest tournament is very, very promising. He is making huge progress and it seems as if it will be only a matter of time before he tightens up his game another notch and discovers what it will take to shave those few strokes off these scores that will be necessary to climb closer to the top of the leaderboard.

Great stuff!

Good start to the tournament season

I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post. Not much has happened, and yet a great deal has changed. It has been over a month, a month in which Sean has almost singularly devoted his life to golf, even while undergoing one of those very significant life-transitions, preparing to end middle school to move on to high school in the fall.

When school was still in session, he had shed the yoke of his baseball team and wanted to golf as soon as he got home in the afternoons. He also would spend all day each Saturday and Sunday at the club. He couldn't get enough. On one weekday recently, one of the first full days after graduating from middle school, Sean was dropped off at the golf club at 9am and we only finally got a call to pick him up sometime after 9pm! It was totally dark and he had over the phone, "Hi Daddy! I'm just finishing up on number 18, can you come get me?" He had played 36 holes that day, shooting rounds of 74 and 75, and also won a little 9 hole challenge match 2-up against a fellow junior that was embedded within one of the rounds.

Since the last post, one of the bigger golf-related treats was that his mom and I let Sean out of school one Monday so he could caddy in a qualifier at a local Nationwide tour event. A young tourning pro playing out of the club, Ray, had asked for Sean's help. Sean had done so well in school over the year, earning honor roll status throughout, that we didn't see much wrong by allowing him to play hooky. Besides, it was the end of the school year and the academic program was rapidly winding down. We rationalized that whereas Sean would see it as mostly fun, we could call it a good learning opportunity, a chance to get an up close, inside the ropes peak into a life he dreams of one day living.

Still, the big and largely unstated questions in our minds over the last month or so, like a silent undertow churning below the surface and growing in strength, have been uncertainties over how Sean's competitive golf season will go. This will be his 3rd season of competing and will it be the break out season we all hope for?

On the one hand, I play with him at the club on a weekend and witness this tremendous golfing ability and ball striking skill, and occasional moments of brilliance around the greens. Sure, I can outplay him sometimes by a few strokes, but there is no longer any question he is the best golfer in the house. Literally before my eyes he is transforming into one of the better golfers at our club, too, juniors and adults included.

On the other hand, I see his bad shots and blown holes, and some game and even temper management issues where he seems to check out of the round for a few holes, and I recognize that tournament golf is a completely different beast. What tournament golf achieves mostly, at this level, is to amplify flaws and errors and mistakes. A single bad stroke can lead to a disastrous hole and completely destroy any hopes one has for the round that day. It takes a special skill and personality to deal with adversity of this sort. And up to this point, Sean hasn't many examples of success in his golf portfolio. Sean and I both wonder whether he has what it takes to carry his abilities in competitive rounds and have some success on the junior tours.

The father in me wants the tournaments to go well, not necessarily so that he can bring a bauble home and bask in a little glory as one of the better juniors in the field that day or at the club--though I can't deny there isn't some of that. What I most want for him is something positive to happen to reinforce all of the effort he is putting in to improving. Because no matter where this Budding Golf Star journey eventually takes him, I want him to look back and recognize that hard work and dogged pursuit can lead to success.

Still, this is ultimately a journey that Sean has to walk alone and figure out on his own, and I've come to recognize that the more he figures out how to do things on his own now will make him that much stronger down the road. So I now have to pick and choose the advice I offer and the comments I make very carefully, and bite my lip when I see him approaching things different than I would. He could, for example, probably play more conservatively than he does and score better as a junior. But he has tremendous length and power and needs to learn how to use it to his advantage, which down the road will give him an invaluable weapon and pay dividends in competitive golf events that are far more important than those he competes in as a junior. As the days go on, I'm less his mentor, I'm certainly not a coach, and much more his cheerleader.

There has been loads of preparation and some hopeful good scoring in his rounds Since the last post. Sean visited Bobby for a 2 hr playing lesson--9 holes out on the course, just the two of them, which seems to have done some good. I handed Sean off and went about running an errand or two and got some work done in the lounge. The big take away from the lesson appears to have been a putting tip, and probably even some strategic advice on chipping, though Sean seems to deny it. Bobby convinced Sean it might be better to lag putts to the hole, rather than to try and bang all of them into the back of the cup, no matter how long. Consequently, Sean has converted a lot of 4 and 5 foot come-backers into tap-in pars. These are things I've urged Sean to do in the past, but now that the coach has said it.....

On net, Sean's scoring during casual rounds at the club seems already improved, certainly over last year and apparently since early spring, too. He is turning in rounds in the 70's more frequently, some of them dancing proudly just at and above the par line-72, 73, 74, 75. His handicap is dropping, now solidly below four. At this rate, I wouldn't be surprised to see it hovering around zero by the end of the season.

So over the last month Sean has worked on his game and has practiced a bunch. Most importantly, he seems to be practicing smarter, spending more time on the course playing holes than banging balls on the driving range. He has developed a chip and putt short game practice routine that keeps him on that an hour or so each day. He's put in a lot of effort, and the reward is beginning to show in his scoring.

Still, he seemed apprehensive and probably not very confident yesterday on the 90 minute drive to his first tournament of the season. Sure enough, the first round didn't go as well as he had hoped going into it, as he shot a 79 on the par 70 course, leaving him in 3rd place 8 shots behind the leader. He said he had four double bogeys, two bogeys and two birdies. On the drive home we talked and tried to take some of the positive away from it. He didn't have any major blow up holes...no triple bogeys or worse. We decided the most important thing to emphasize was that he had scored a tournament round in the 70's. It was only his second tournament round in the 70's. Ever.

He seemed less apprehensive on the drive down for the 2nd round, a bit more relaxed than the first. Still, just what was to come today weighed on him. Just like before the first round, I dropped him off at the range before heading out to find someplace to sit down and get some work done. I wished him luck and told him to have some fun.

I didn't seem him again until some 6 hours later (there was a rain delay) as a cart transporting them from the 18th green dropped him and the other two members of his threesome off at the clubhouse. It was a special moment. He seemed to be standing taller and then he spotted me and smiled.

"Seventy-one," he said.

We shared the moment of relief. And a special moment it was. I was so happy for him, because this was something he wanted more than anything. It was another one of those moments that I hope to remember for a long time.

Walker, one of his playing partners, introduced himself and complemented Sean on how well hedrove the ball and played on the back nine. What a good kid! Walker must have played well himself, shooting a 75.

Nick, the overnight leader and the winner, shook my hand to say hello and said he had shot a 76. Good enough to win by 3 strokes.

Sean told me that his 71 was good enough for 2nd place. It also tied the low round of the tournament, and Sean also had the only sub-par 9 holes of anybody in the entire field! He had closed the gap between him and the leader from 8 to 3 shots. And for the first time, Sean had scored two tournament rounds in the 70's. The seventy-one is also a personal best.

I think he learned a lot about himself today and he gained a significant dose of confidence. It wasn't a big tournament with a tremendously strong field. But it was exactly what Sean needed at this point in his development. We often like to say that people learn more from making mistakes or from losing than from doing well. Not this time. Today, Sean learned a ton about himself. It was a major breakthrough and that his breakit happened Hopefully, knowing he can put up a score like that in tournament conditions will help him relax a bit and trust his abilities and believe in his talent. It is a very difficult sport to play if one doesn't have such confidence.

I couldn't be happier for him. It looks to be a good summer ahead.

The Sky is the Limit

Sean had his 1st swing lesson of the season.

We travel ~1 hour from home to see Bobby, who works at a fine golf club well beyond our metro area. We simply don't have as good a teacher at our club. Last summer, when Sean was 13 and showing very serious interest in golf, it became apparent that Sean would never fulfill his dreams without getting hooked up with a golf swing coach, and fast.

We head about Bobby through the grapevine and finally met him when Sean played a tournament at Bobby's club. Bobby is one of those guys who has earned teaching awards and in particular has a tremendous history of teaching successful junior golfers. I knew instinctively that when the time came to get Sean hooked up with a teacher, it would have to be with someone who worked not only with juniors, but juniors who are out there competing. In fact, today, one of Bobby's star students is the #1 ranked collegiate golfer and has just been invited to join the US Palmer Cup squad. Sean started seeing Bobby near the end of the last golf season, and had maybe 4 or 5 lessons with him before school started, the days shortened and there wasn't much time for golf.

After we arrived, late for the lesson--sort of miscalculated travel time due to being a bit out of the practice of getting there--Bobby and I shook hands before I excused myself to a lounge next to the practice area that has a wireless signal, to get a little work done.

I've also made the conscious decision that I don't want to hover over Bobby and Sean while they work together. Trust me, I would love to see everything that goes on between them during the lessons. I would thoroughly enjoy watching a master teacher ply his craft, and can imagine my pride in seeing Sean respond to the lessons. But I just have the sense that neither of them really needs me too much involved in their relationship.

If Sean is to grow into the skilled golfer he dreams of becoming, he will need to figure out alone how to apply what his teacher gives him. For virtually all of the competitive golf Sean will play from here forward, he'll be out there alone on the course figuring out a way to golf the ball into the hole. To accomplish that, Sean will need Bobby a lot more than he'll need me, and so stepping away from these lessons, to let Sean and Sean alone own them, is part of the inevitable process of a father relaxing his grip on his child. Painful but necessary.

Not quite an hour after it started, I came back out to collect Sean, as the time to end the lesson had arrived. Bobby had gone into his office to pick up some papers, returning with them back out to a desk in the teaching area.

As he opened up the papers, he asked Sean, "Do you want to play in college?"

Sean said he did.

Then Bobby went over what was in his papers. It was a list of junior golf tournament organizations, and he pointed out those that were followed by the various junior golf ranking systems.

Bobby told a story about one of his students, a good golfer with some wins under his belt at the regional and high school levels, who is finishing his senior year of high school. Bobby had explained how this kid, who has the talent to play at a lot of Division I programs, had approached college coaches far too late, that they had already finished recruiting golfers in his graduating class.

Bobby basically told Sean that by starting high school next fall, he can be recruited and that "the game" is to get status on the national circuits, the AJGA in particular, so that he can start climbing the rankings in order to get noticed by the schools. Bobby indicated that his game plan should involve getting noticed by coaches no later than next summer, the one following his freshman year.

Having spent the hour in the lounge away from his lesson with Sean, I was curious about what provoked this conversation. I wondered, hopefully, if Bobby had seen something impressive in Sean. Bobby is a man of few words. What he basically said, however, is that Sean has as much if not more talent than his other successful junior golf students.

Sean then wandered off to the other end of the driving range to hit some balls.

I sort of protested to Bobby, reminding him that except for pretty much one round--when Sean had won his junior club championship shooting a final round 72--that Sean hasn't really accomplished much in competition. In fact, relative to a lot of other kids in the tournaments he's played so far, he'd scored pretty poorly.

Bobby said that he'd be happy to do a lesson with him out on the course next time, to see what he can do in terms of strategy and whatnot.

I asked him, "But do you think Sean is that good? Do you see decent potential in him? Are these drives down here for these lessons worthwhile or are we deluding ourselves?"

Bobby was eager to end the conversation since he had a client waiting for a lesson with him, but his last words were, "The sky is the limit." And you can see in his eyes that he meant it, as in, "You two morons need to reach for the sky, because he really is that frigging good."

There is not a lot of bs in Bobby, which is something I really like about him. So his statement provides me with a tremendous sense of affirmation about Sean and this road that he is on, and that although we really don't know where he is heading or if he'll ever get there, but we are doing the right thing.

On the drive back I told Sean what Bobby had said. Other than this blog, there are no secrets between us.

So Sean and I will keep plugging away. Hopefully we can draw strength from Bobby's words after the bad rounds and tournaments and practice sessions that are sure to come. I told Bobby on this lesson day that if Sean is one thing he is not a quitter, that if Bobby thinks the sky is the limit for him, we'll just rely on his judgment for a while.

Inflection Point

Even though Sean is in the middle of his baseball season, he has been sneaking in some golf course time the last couple of weeks to work on his game. He would not have even considered doing this during previous baseball seasons, when Sean would zealously impose upon himself a religious-like abstention from golf mostly to avoid anything that might disrupt his baseball swing.

But he's hardly been getting any at bats during games this season, and so whatever loyalty he might have felt he owed to himself or to the baseball coaches at the beginning of the season has long since passed. This is not to say that Sean isn't getting into games. Because of free substitution rules in the league, Sean has been getting innings as a catcher, where he has done well, and he has also performed some spot pitching duty. The coach just doesn't view him as a good hitter, and so not getting many chances to hit has really stolen his passion for baseball this spring.

Still, Sean has done a superb job of deflecting the disappointment. I'm sure he had visions of going out of baseball in a grander style, as one of the key producers on the team, spraying the balls into the gaps and driving in runs, as he was last spring. He sees this simply is not going to happen, so he has come up with ways of dealing with it. As he told me a few weeks ago when it began to dawn on him, "You know Dad, I'm disappointed about what is happening with baseball, but at the same time it doesn't bother me at all. If that makes any sense?"

The head coach, it turns out, is much odder than we had been led to believe going into it. He is one of those old school types who simply cannot resist impulses to dress down his players if they make mistakes or fail to rise to his sometimes unrealistic expectations. One who lets most everything that is hanging around within his head flow directly out of his mouth. One who chases the streaks, with some largely untouchable players in the core line up assisted by what he gathers are "hot" players from the 'role playing group' who are out of the line up as soon as they "don't get the job done."

I've been proud of Sean for keeping a good attitude throughout this. He shows up on time and eager to go. He gave his best for his baseball team and his coach, but it wasn't good enough, I guess. What has buffered Sean from the disappointment is knowing that his future lies in golf and at some level whether he plays or not will be coupled to the numbers he puts up rather than what sort of opinion a coach might have formed about his skills.

As if it wasn't perfectly clear before, this baseball season has served to confirm that Sean badly wants to succeed as a golfer. There is also no doubt in my mind that his singular focus on golf is the right thing to do. I would imagine most parents of children-athletes, irrespective of the sport, go through a period of uncertainty trying to determine whether it is right for a child to focus on one sport (or any activity) with the level of single-mindedness it takes to make a splash at the level of their dreams. Over the last few months of Sean's last baseball season, I have reached a point where I am completely convinced that it would be counter productive to encourage Sean to play another sport or do anything else that might distract him from his academics and golf.

The baseball situation has additionally soured him on the high school the team represents, and reinforced his hope to enroll at the rival high school, a bitter rivalry I might add, to which he has also applied. His mom and I want Sean at the rival school because in our opinion it sets a far higher standard of excellence, most especially academically. Consequently it is a more difficult school to gain entry.

Which is a long way of saying how pleased we were when Sean found out this past Monday that he's been accepted by the rival school. In fact, he set that as a goal at the start of his 7th grade, buckled down to do better school work and making on the honor roll each term. And on Monday his efforts were rewarded!

It was truly fantastic news and we couldn't be more proud of Sean for the achievement. And getting into this school has proven to be an incredible lesson of what can be accomplished by setting goals and how hard work breathes life into them. Hopefully, a lesson he can draw upon as his golfing "career" unfolds.

So to celebrate, Sean and I played 18 holes together the day after he received his acceptance letter. It was as fun and relaxing of a round that I have ever played with him. We talked a lot about what an accomplishment he had achieved and how proud I was of him. He sort of gloated about how fun it was going to be to tell his baseball coach that he intended to enroll at the rival school.

Playing the last hole I suddenly became almost drunk with the sense that our relationship had reached an inflection point and would differ fundamentally from this day forward. It came to me on the 18th hole, when I realized that Sean had been walking consistently 10 yards or so ahead of me down the past several fairways. I had been struggling, in fact, to keep up with him. He was just playing fast, but it was as if he subconsciously had someplace he was eager to go, and didn't really need my help getting there.

Sean was also playing much better than me all day. He was getting off the tees better than me, and out drove me almost without exception. His drives were straighter and longer, and his iron shots on the par 3's were crisper and closer to the target. On the par 4 10th hole, Sean hit his drive so well, it caught a fairway down slope that netted him another 60 yards of roll to the bottom of a hill--for a 340 yard poke! Whereas on the same hole one of my better tee shots of the day was a good 80 yards behind him.

Sean had also been encouraging me all that day to stick with a putting tip that he had given me a few days before, on our living room carpet. The tip had caused me to putt the ball far more squarely and solidly than I had putted in a long while. Consequently, I had little in the way of distance control and was blowing the 1st putts some 5 feet by the hole, all day long. Frustrating, but in a good way.

During the round, Sean had also remarked on a couple of instances on how "now that was a good swing" while one time breaking out in laughter right after a pretty crappy shot I hit, deriding me for having the swing of an old man!

And so chasing Sean up the par 5 18th fairway I came to suddenly realize that we had reached an inflection point. Two years ago, he was the one who was chasing me down the fairways after our tee shots, with my ball well beyond his. Two years ago, I was giving Sean tips and suggestions, and even admonitions about his behavior on the course.

Now, on this day, suddenly Sean was the more skilled player, the pace master and mentor, while there I was as his student and protege.

And his 79 that day beat my 81. The thing about his 79 was that he was in complete control of his game, losing his shots on the front side when we both sort of let our focus wander while talking about his high school plans. To be sure, his 79 looked more like a 72 or 73 to my eye. As solid of a round of ball striking as I've ever seen him play. In contrast, I had nothing going since neither my putting nor driving nor approaches were all that good. I had to scramble and grind out my 81. It was by far the best I could have hoped for that day.

To see what he has become today, a confident young man who seems to have a plan for himself, from where he was, and to imagine where he is headed with his good-natured personality and God-given talent, it was perhaps the most gratifying and enjoyable round I have ever played with my son.

To have a relationship like this and such experiences with a son is such a tremendous privilege, I would wish it upon anybody.

Milestones

Here are some of Sean's milestones, as best as I can remember. I wish I had kept better records, but in another sense we've just been pebbles in a stream and not particularly mindful of where any of this golf was headed.

I think the progression mostly shows that he is a typical, middle of the pack junior golfer. Although he has tended to keep a step ahead of his peers at our golf club, but when out playing in the metro and regional contests, he's been more middle of the pack.

And of course the dream is to get to the front of the metro, regional and even national pack. Given Sean's record to date, I give him a lot of credit for having the guts to dream big like that.


Age 11: Broke 100 for the 1st time, and thereafter began to shoot in the 90's regularly.

Age 12: Broke 90 for the 1st time, and thereafter began to shoot in the 80's regularly

Age 13: Broke 80 for the 1st time, and began shooting his share of rounds in the 70's

Barely Age 14: Shortly after turning 14, Sean shot an even par (72) for the 1st time. What is most remarkable about this particular feat is that it came in the 2nd round of his Junior Club Championship. That was the only sub-80 round posted in the tournament, which Sean ended up winning by 5 strokes over the nearest competitor.

Sean's golfing origins

Where does Sean's interest in competitive golf come from? How did it evolve into what it is today?

I hope to cover this in the next few posts by way of catching up.

I suppose it is fair to say that Sean began golf at a very young age. Perhaps even as a 4 year old? I don't really remember exactly when he first took a swipe at a golf ball, whether plastic or real. But even if that sounds real young, I can assure you this is hardly a story of a kid groomed for the game of golf from the earliest of ages. For Sean, golf was a sport that always was there for him, but mostly in the background, coming in fits and starts up to the age of 12 or 13.

From those earliest years, for the 5 or 6 years, golf was just one of the many sports that attracted Sean's fancy. Sean hit golf balls from a very young age, but not in any organized way. Before I joined our current golf club, I had a hitting mat and net in the back yard which I used for my own practice (or to vent frustration after work!). The yard was littered with both plastic and real golf balls, and golf clubs including pint-sized ones cut down for the kids. So the opportunities were there to hack away, whether taking a break from yard chores or waiting for something to cook on the bar-b-que, or during some after dinner R&R.

I joined a golf club around the time Sean was 5 or 6. In those days, Sean was mostly motivated to spend time with me and it didn't really matter whether I was going into work, putzing around the house or over at a hardware store, or out to the driving range. In fact, he was uncommonly jealous of my time, irrespective of what I was doing. And so it evolved that if I was going to get any work accomplished on my own golf game, whether at the driving range or out on the course, I had no choice but to involve Sean. He made certain of that.

On vacations at golf resorts, I'd have to get the earliest possible tee time and sneak out before he awoke, and hurry back to be with him for the rest of the day. I had some guilt about doing this, but also relief to have chances to get out and play without the distraction of having a young child with me out on the golf course, because your first concern is making sure the child doesn't disrupt the other golfers.

Eventually, perhaps at the age of 8 or 9, Sean seemed sufficiently well-behaved that I enrolled him in a couple of junior golf clinics given by our club's teaching pro. In those sessions, together with a handful of other kids, is when he was first concepts like grip and stance and balance.

His baseball interests are what largely held him back from golf at the early ages. He played baseball from late August to November, then from late February through June, leaving little time for golf except during the oppressive heat in July and August, which wasn't really conducive. The baseball limited his golf so much, for example, that if I had a couple of new, correctly-sized golf clubs prepared for him in the early spring, by the time July and August rolled around he might have only used them a few times before outgrowing the clubs. And as he grew older and developed a sense of self-responsibility for his baseball performance, he wasn't particularly interested in taking the risk that swinging a golf club might mess with his hitting and hurt his chances of making an all star team.

Other than the clinics, Sean never really got much in the way of formal golf instruction until he was almost 14. I was also his baseball coach during those years, and possessed of a gnawing sense that our relationship would suffer if I were also to serve as Sean's golf coach. Beyond the fact that I know almost nothing about how to teach golf, he just didn't need me coaching his golf, too.

So when Sean and I were out together on the course, or the driving range, I tried to just let him hit the ball as it came to him naturally, and doing my best to bite my tongue when I saw that he was doing things 'wrong'. For the most part, although imperfectly, I'd give him swing advice only if he asked for it. I focused instead on teaching him the myriad course etiquette issues, like pace of play and repairing divots and pitch marks, and staying quiet and still while others addressed their shots, knowing when it was his turn to play. And anger management. Lot's of anger management.

So Sean's golfing origins were mostly accidental and largely undirected. Of course I was delighted that he enjoyed playing a game that I could share with him, but the truth is that for up until the time he was 12 and 13, if I had any ambition for him in sports it was as a baseball player, not as a golfer.

But the accidental nature of this golf upbringing raises the question of whether I served him poorly. Sean begins his golf journey several giant steps behind his more successful peers in the junior golf tournaments. There are a lot of kids out there his age and younger who shoot some very low scores! Was I too late in getting him hooked up with a swing coach? Should I have guided him away from baseball towards golf sooner? For the latter, I don't think I had any choice because it first has to be something Sean wants. Now that he is there, how does he get to the next level and can he get there?

We'll see soon enough, but my theory and hope is that he will be able to make up the lost ground. From what I think I see, some of these junior golfers get to shooting low scores at a pretty young age, and others seem to be able to catch up to them. It strikes me as a neurodevelopmental analog...the good young players have the advantage of their brains literally maturing in some ways sooner than some of the others.

Lessons from a successful youth baseball career

As a "sports" dad, I want to see my children active and involved in things. I'm sure at some point I'll have to address any projection issues related to my own athletic inadequacies. But irrespective of the degree by which projection colors my thinking, the fact remains that participation in youth sports strikes me as mostly a good thing. And if not youth sports, then find something else to be passionate about.

The motto of our childrens' day care center was "Play Is Work" meaning that there is a developmental good to the seemingly randomness of gaming that goes on as kids play. To my mind, youth sports are an extension of preschool play. Particularly when a kid is truly passionate and self-motivated about his or her sporting activity, a sport can keep him grounded and away from trouble. At least that's the hope as Sean enters adolescence, as we hope the golf bug helps to smooth out his metamorphosis from adolescence into adulthood?

Sean has always loved sports, playing one or another since preschool, when he first rambled with the scrum up and down the field in a community "Lil' Kickers" soccer league. Sean also played basketball with his school classmates for the past 5 years and also played rec and middle school football in his 5th and 6th grades. I can honestly say that all of his sporting activities are through is own choices, and that today as a 14 year old, athletics are a central feature of his self-image.

Sean has always had the final say about whether he will participate in a sport. After his first experience in soccer, he didn't want to play it again. It appears that two seasons of youth football are enough for him. He is also now pretty clear that this will be his last baseball season. We're grateful that golf will be there to fill the vacuum.

He is a good athlete, but not so good that anybody would accuse him of being tremendously athletic. Throughout grade school, he has tended bigger and stronger than than most of his peers, but also somewhat less coordinated and certainly slower.

His main sport from the age of 5 has not been golf, but baseball, which he played enthusiastically in a recreational league. He played baseball well enough to be chosen for the all star team each year from the ages of 9 through 12, which mostly served to extend his spring baseball season well into the summer.

As a 12 year old, he had a very strong spring season, leading his league in home runs. But after being chosen to play on the summer all star team, he struggled to get any playing time under some fairly petty and vindictive coaches who appeared to be directing gripes with me at Sean. It was a classic "daddy-ball" situation, and was very unsettling for most everyone involved on the team. As anybody involved in youth baseball would recognize, the 12Usummer season is the pinnacle of the kids career, after which kids slide into school athletic programs. The greatest harm of the summer was that it destroyed stole the idyllic sense of innocence and fun that Sean and several of the other boys held for baseball in their hearts. After this experience Sean's enthusiasm for baseball was dramatically redirected to golf, and he seemed to start thinking as less as a sideline activity and more as a viable sporting alternative.

To his great credit, as the following school year approached, after considerable indecision, Sean decided to play another fall baseball season in the rec league. He wavered mightily before finally deciding to play, but it seemed like what he eventually settled on was that he was not about to let someone run him out of the league. It would have been far easier for him to just walk away, wounded, from baseball. And I was prepared for that to happen, because it was Sean's decision alone to make. I was never more proud of him, and I think it says a great deal about his character as a young man, that he could dust off the tremendous disappointment and bruise to his ego.

In the spring of his 13th year, as a 7th grader, Sean wanted to try out for a middle school baseball team run by one of the private high schools that draws kids from throughout the metro area. It is a good program and a team he tried out for but failed to make the previous spring. Sean got to work to get ready for the tryouts, and began working with one of my students, who had played catcher in college. Sean made the team and played very well as their starting catcher, batting in the clean up and five hole at near .500, and was the teams RBI leader by a wide margin. Altogether, it was a tremendous bounce back from the disappointments he experienced the summer before. Still, baseball had lost some luster

After that season ended, for the first time he decided not to play summer baseball so that he could play more golf. He is playing on the same middle school baseball team this spring as a catcher, and doing well, but it seems almost assured he won't play baseball with them this summer or beyond. This is likely to be his last season playing organized baseball.

Irrespective of the sport, Sean has always approached athletics with what I would characterize as a balanced seriousness of purpose. What I mean by that is that he had fun on the field with friends during practices and games, but also seemed to see some value in the need to work at his skills. For example, he would want to throw the ball with me when I'd get home from work, or stay at the fields after games and practices to get some extra hitting and throwing. Before his spring 12U season, the season he was home run leader, he asked me to bring him to the fields for extra hitting practice, almost daily. The extra work paid off.

From this, he seems to have developed a work ethic applied to sports. He knows, intuitively, that if he works at a sport he can get better at it. Which is not to say he has killer practice habits. Far from it. But there is a base there, a base of having experienced how success is coupled to effort, which is something that he can grow with as he takes on the lonelier challenge of building a solid competitive golf game.

Finally, Sean not only learned how to compete in these other sports, but saw fun in it. When a game started, he could turn on a deeper focus then he might have in practice. He thrives in competition and, again, that seems like something that will serve him well in golf.

Where to start?

This is a true story about a boy who, in the summer of his 13th year, looks to have decided to chase a competitive golf dream.

The story is being told by his father. To chronicle what happens, to see where the chase leads him and his father, what we discover along the way, and who we become because of this journey. I have a sense it will be dramatic, whether or not the dream is fulfilled.

My son doesn't know that I am writing this story, and I don't know if or when I will tell him. We'll just see how it evolves. There may come a time to reveal who he is. Or maybe not.

But it will be real and true and will be as honest as it seems to me. So true that if one really wishes to uncover our identities, enough clues will be scattered about to make that possible.